Slacking Off

I was doing pretty good for a while there. During the lead-up to Thanksgiving I worked hard to excavate my personal items out of boxes, scan them, and assemble them into the blog post I’m most proud of, the illustrated The Story of Me, Pt. 1. The unpacking happened Monday of Thanksgiving week, the scanning happened Tuesday, and I was busier than expected Wednesday making some last-minute additions and some adjustments in Photoshop. I finally posted the morning of Thanksgiving, the first day of a four-day weekend.

Then, having felt like I’d done some good creative work, I proceeded to slack off. It’s not like I did nothing, but my main productive activity that whole four-day weekend was to go through some WordPress tutorials. It might have helped, but it wasn’t creative work.

Then, during the next week, I am frankly ashamed of how I spent my time. I got involved in an Internet discussion forum, one that is going to contribute nothing to any of my long-term goals. This took an entire five or six days of my time, from about Sunday to about Friday.

Now that I’ve had the benefit of hindsight and am actually experiencing the effects of slacking off, it is easy to see why I need to avoid doing that. I’ve been in a bad mood all weekend, and it certainly hasn’t helped that I’ve done nothing to nourish and sustain myself emotionally.

For those who are in recovery from addiction, as I am, this need for emotional sustenance is felt in an especially acute way. If my emotional health drops to a low enough point, I will drink. It’s impossible to know this and not be aware of things that most people don’t even think about.

For me, my main emotional sustenance is creative work. I’ve been fucking this up. I need to stop. I mean, I really, really need to stop.